The Global Flood

The Bible story of the global flood that was used as a "re-boot" of humanity because of their wickedness has always held a special place in the hallowed halls of things that really piss me off. Before tearing into the story proper, let’s have a few words on the background of this story. Lots of religious folk, especially among the Baptist and Protestant denominations, believe that people who inhabited the earth in the time frame of the early chapters of the book of Genesis lived for hundreds to thousands of years and had an advanced culture that rivaled our own. How could this be? According to this "theory," there was a massive canopy of water that surrounded the entire planet, either just floating around in the atmosphere or actually outside in space itself. Somehow this canopy of water filtered out the harmful UV rays from the sun, allowing people to enjoy massively long life spans. People who ascribe to this belief will give cryptic statements meant to pique interest by intimating that these people lived in a culture just as advanced as ours where they had mastered things like space travel and advanced engineering.

That particular piece of nonsense aside, the story of the Flood is truly, irrevocably messed up. Let's think about this logically. God creates man. Think about the ramifications of that statement. If God created man, then he also created all of man's feelings, urges, and predispositions. According to the Bible God is also knows all things that have occurred and will occur in the future, as he is omniscient. Put those two thoughts together. God makes man to be the way that God wants him to be, and God also knows exactly how men will react if put into certain situations. So then God decides that man, which he created, has become too violent and needs to be eradicated and started over. What. The. Fuck. God makes man with the predisposition to be violent, and because he can see into the future he knows that men will eventually reach a critical mass of violence that He can't tolerate, yet he goes ahead and punishes them for it anyway? Could someone also please explain to me how murdering every person on the planet is a proper, non-hypocritical, response to people who are too violent? Last time I checked, mass genocide on a world wide scale is about as violent as you can get.

Then there is also the canopy of water theory to take into account. People who believe this theory think that the canopy of water was dropped onto the Earth all at once, which is how the entire surface of the planet was flooded in this story. Remember how we went over that God can see the future? That means that this whole act of worldwide genocide was pre-meditated. God specifically made this canopy of water knowing full well that he was going to utterly wipe out his creation with it later when they pissed Him off for doing what He made them to do. Anyone who doesn't find that to be thoroughly disturbing needs to seek professional psychiatric treatment immediately.